You've read the books,
You've watched the shows,
What's the best way no one knows, yeah,
Meditate, get hypnotized.
Anything to take from your mind.
But it won't go, ohhhh ohhh
You're doing all these things out of desperation,
Ohhh ohhh,
You're going through six degrees of separation.
You hit the drink, you take a toke
Watch the past go up in smoke, yeah
Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that,
You're better now than ever, and your life's okay
When it's not. No.
You're doing all these things out of desperation,
Ohhh ohhh,
You're going through six degrees of separation.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit you may have fucked up a little
(Oh no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself)
(No no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself)
You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too,
Anyone who'll throw an arm around you, yeah
Tarot cards
Gems and stones,
Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul.
Well it's not, no, wohhhh
You're only doing things out of desperation,
Ohhh no,
You're goin' through six degrees of separation.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit you may have fucked up a little
No there's no starting over,
Without finding closure, you'd take them back,
No hesitation,
That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation
Oh, no there's no starting over,
Without finding closure, you'd take them back,
No hesitation,
That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit you may have fucked up a little
No, no, there ain't no help
It's every man for himself
You're goin' through six degrees of separation
No, no, there ain't no help
It's every man for himself
You're goin' through six degrees of separation
[x3: fading]
No, no, there ain't no help
It's every man for himself
Sedem za svojo pisalno mizo in se
zazrem v zid pred seboj. Moje roke postanejo mrzle in se pričnejo tresti.
Tesnoba me začne razžirati od znotraj. Kaplje solz se ulijejo iz mojih oči.
Prazniki, pomislim, kmalu bodo tukaj. Najprej Miklavž, potem božič in nato novo
leto, jaz pa ne bom z njim. Z osebo, ki jo ljubim največ na svetu. Prazniki v
krogu družine, družine v kateri se sploh ne počutim član. Nikjer nisem
dobrodošla. Kdo bi hotel biti z osebo kot sem jaz za novo leto? Božič, darila,
jaslice in božični duh, nič od tega letos ne bo del mene. On ne bo del mene.
Moje solze čedalje bolj derejo. Za novo leto bo s prijatelji. Z njimi bo
nazdravil, se z njimi objemal... medtem ko bom jaz doma, daleč od njega,
osamljena. Nočem takih praznikov, najverjetneje jih bom kar prespala. Mogoče bi
morala zaspati za večno.
Po dolgem dnevu stopim v kopalnico,
da bi se stuširala. Počasi slečem vsa oblačila in se hkrati opazujem pred
ogledalom, ki mi seže samo do zgornjega dela telesa. V rdečem modrcu stojim
pred njim, roka mi samodejno zdrsne na trebuh. Nič ni tam notri, se zavem,
nobeno življenje, za katerega bi rada, da bi se zdaj tam notri razvijalo. Še
vedno zrem predse z roko na trebuhu v ogledalo, ko mi pričnejo teči solze po
licih. Nobenega otroka ne bo, vsaj ne še kmalu, ne glede na to kako močno si ga
želim. Vse je uničeno. Bolečina seva iz mojih od solza mokrih oči, po licih pa
še vedno tečejo solze. Vsi okoli mene imajo otroke ali pa jih nosijo v sebi.
Zame so to lahko le sanje. S silo si obrišem solze, skrijem svoj obraz v roke
in odidem pod tuš. Ko bi le lahko sprala bolečino iz moje duše in ne samo
umazanijo z mojega telesa. Ko bi le lahko bilo tako preprosto.
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Only what I can do is cry
